Gifts purchased for friends and partner this Valentine's Day.
Valentine’s Day. It is an orgiastic expression of consumerism. It is a fiercely heteronormative holiday. It is really, really hard to ignore.
I used to hate Valentine’s Day. All sorts of forces conspired to make me feel that I was somehow failing at life because I was single all year long. Forces like persistently curious aunts at family gatherings to well-meaning friends whose own relational security bordered on smug self-righteousness. The last thing I actually needed was a state sanctioned holiday celebrating people who were mysteriously better at life than I was because they were in a relationship.
Did you spot the presumptive flaw in that statement? I am always in relationship. My oldest and longest relationship is with myself. I am constantly enmeshed and engaged in relationships with my family. I have worked to maintain rich friendships that have lasted longer than a decade. As a life-long learner, I also have a challenging and fulfilling relationship with the University system. Not being partnered in a way that fits a very exclusionary cultural script does not mean I am alone, not at all. I have many significant relationships, all of which deserve celebrating.
Because I had the above epiphany I few years ago, I’ve started celebrating V-Day in a different way. I buy or make gifts for my most significant relationships. Sometimes a partner is included in that list and sometimes not. I always include a gift for myself partly because I like gifts but mostly to remind myself that, while others come and go, I’m stuck with me so I might as well be kind.
Reader, I don’t know your situation this Valentine’s Day. I don’t know if you’re in a relationship that’s wonderful or you’re blissfully happy as a singleton. I don’t know if you’re seeking a partner or unhappy in a relationship that’s difficult to walk away from. What I do know is that you are awesome. You deserve lots of happiness, lots of love, lots of flowers, candy, chocolate and combinations of the aforementioned. Beyond all that, I hope you have contentment with yourself and your situation. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Love,
Jaime
