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• Why is this on TV: Survivor

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In all reality, this should probably be titled “Why is this STILL on TV”. After 18, count them, 18 seasons in nine years, this show has managed to maintain a steady following of viewers. For some reason, people continue to tune in and watch dirty people eat maggots and maneuver their way through mazes over and over again. How … enthralling?

No. No, it’s not. And here’s why.

Let’s take a look at the title Survivor. Does anyone really not survive? They aren’t stranded all alone on a deserted island – they have a camera crew following their every move and an emergency helicopter on call just in case. No one is going to be allowed to starve or be mauled by some wild boar (though that would spice things up).

You want to see these people really try to survive? Throw them in South Africa. I would watch that. Their survival won’t be based on their ability to hold on to a rope the longest while dangling over the water or their ability to put a puzzle together before everyone else. Let’s see how many people sign up for

Survivor: Somalia.

You’d probably still get some crazies, though, just like you do for regular Survivor. You know only looney people will let themselves sink to such lows to win some money. What’s funny is that you get the people who insist that they can’t go on when they get to a difficult task, who insist that the show is just too much for them, that it’s all too demanding. Hey, you. You with the tears. Did you think this season would be any different than the previous 12? It never changes. You get the same stereotypes every time, too, setting up the perfect combination for some inspiring drama. You have the wimp, the manly woman, the hippie, the person who has no idea what they’re doing, the person who’s only there because they’re hot, the drama queen, the old person and the crazy man. They’re all there.

And, after so many seasons, the contestants begin to figure out what’ll get them more camera time and they become these over-dramatized characters. Think about it. The obnoxious crazy guy always lasts much longer than he logically should. The only real characters were in the very first season. Anyone that would sign up for the show after seeing a season of it must be outside of their mind. They’re essentially agreeing to possibly eating cow testicles or ground up cockroaches.

Now, why are people watching this? I can’t watch the screen as someone gags down cow’s blood. I can’t even listen to it —­ I have to change the channel. Where some people go wrong is when they flip back to Survivor. Why? Just find yourself a nice sitcom, maybe a rerun of your favorite show, and save yourself the nausea. Help support the struggling shows that deserve to be on TV, not this reality show.

Here are the only things going for this Survivor:

1. The occasional half-dressed sexy person. It’s just some good eye candy.

2. The beautiful beaches they’re on.

3. The inadvertent comedy. These people take themselves so seriously, forming alliances and trying to scheme and sabotage other players.

The quality of the show matches the cost, and ladies and gentlemen, the cost is cheap.