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• Which will it be, High School Musical 3 or Saw V? We help you choose.

Core Audience

HSM 3: Kids from the ages of three to 13. Anyone above that age is suffering from regression and should see a doctor immediately.
Saw V: Adults over the age of 18 who enjoy horror films. Also the weirdos who just like to watch people die on screen will love this movie. But sadly, they’re less pathetic than adult High School Musical fans.

Point: Saw V

Prior Film Credibility

HSM 3: The first one was nothing more than a Grease knockoff, so I can’t imagine the third is much better.
Saw V: The first four are all pretty similar, but the twists, while nonsensical, are pretty surprising, and the elaborate traps take some creativity.

Point: Saw V

Cast

HSM 3: This series is filled with annoying teenagers who can sing and dance but can’t act to save their lives. I watched the first High School Musical and nearly threw up in the process, I was so upset.
Saw V: These films are also filled with terrible actors, but at least with this series, the actors are onscreen for no more than 10 minutes before they die.

Point: Saw V

Production Values

HSM 3: According to IMDB, this has a budget of $33 million, so apparently, Disney is sparing no expense at warping the minds of America’s children.
Saw V: Shot on a shoestring budget, this looks like it was shot in my basement. I’ve seen pornos with better production values.

Point: HSM 3

Cultural Significance

HSM 3: This series has become a cultural phenomenon, and with this film’s looming box office success, this will ultimately be packaged with Hannah Montana and Camp Rock as some of the stupidest fads people ever enjoyed.
Saw V: While this will be remembered as the successful return of the horror genre’s box office potential, ultimately, Saw V will be as remembered as Halloween 5.

Point: HSM 3

Rewatchability

HSM 3: This flick will no doubt be filled with pop songs that will be played on the radio for months to come. But if you like the music, you could probably watch the movie more than once.
Saw V: The Saw series is completely based on having unpredictable twist endings that, to be honest, usually don’t make much sense. Much like the majority of horror films, seeing it once is enough.

Point: HSM 3

Likeliness of Being a Good Film

HSM 3: Grating voices with annoying pop songs that make the Backstreet Boys albums look like Mozart ... for 90 minutes.
Saw V: Intricate traps make blood splatter, which makes the audience cheer. In the end, the killer inevitably gets away, and there’s a perfect set up for Saw VI. Hey, at least it doesn’t annoy me, and I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t give money to the evil empire known as Disney.

Point: Saw V

Final Score:

Saw V: 4
HSM 3: 3

The Verdict: While it’s nearly guaranteed that Saw V will be a bad movie, I still can’t foresee HSM 3 being worth paying money for. Plus HSM 3 depresses me because it leaves me wondering why children’s programming has stooped so low. But kids these days love it, so they must be doing something right (what happened to the days of good children shows such as Doug or Hey Arnold?).