• the217
• Life
• We interrupt this broadcast to bring you ads, ads and more ads

Related Media

I watch too much television. There are probably many people who could say something along those lines, and I’m sure they would also be correct in saying such a thing. The problem is I used to just feel I was wasting time, even though I’m not sure what else I would do that would be considered in any way constructive. I mean, let’s be honest, most of the other choices I would have made could have been far worse … trust me. Anyway, the problem with TV now is that it has actually begun to anger me. It’s not necessarily the shows or the content, it’s mostly all the advertising crap that’s flying on the screen almost every single freaking second of every single freaking show.

So Sunday afternoon, I quickly gave up on all the little household chores I was mulling over in my head and decided to see what was on the TV. As usual, there wasn’t really all that much, but a movie was just starting that I’d never seen, so I figured what the piss, it’s either this or a night of ill-advised cocktailing, so I settled in. The movie was The DaVinci Code. I’d tried to read the book a few years ago, and contrary to what almost everyone was telling me I should think, it really didn’t do all that much for me. At least, the first 15 pages I read and reread seven or eight times didn’t do all that much for me.

Still, I thought I should give the movie a chance because one of the stars in it was that sort of hot chick from that movie Amelie. Tom Hanks was also in it. Quite frankly, neither of them was as good-looking as I remembered. So before we get much further, let me just talk about the movie itself. It was sort like going out drinking. It starts out OK, and it’s just fun enough to make me think I’m going to enjoy it. Somewhere in the middle, it gets a tad monotonous, and then finally at the end, there have been a few exciting twists and turns, but overall, I’m mostly just confused and I wished I’d done something else.

The real problem wasn’t with the movie itself, however. Somewhere in there, I noticed that characters for other shows on the TNT network were popping into the corner of the screen. I’m sure it was happening for quite a while, but I just didn’t notice. Suddenly, I did. It’s a somewhat exciting part of the movie, and I’m trying to figure out exactly what is going on, when two little guys walk from one side of the screen to the other, play a little grabass in the bottom left corner, then wave and walk off. Apparently, they’re plugging their upcoming series called Trust Me, which is also on TNT.

Initially, I thought someone was sneaking up on Tom Hanks. Now I’m not a complete moron, and I quickly surmised that these two little characters weren’t actually a part of the movie I was watching, but it was still beyond annoying. I suppose I didn’t mind all that much being manipulated subliminally, but once I was aware of the advertising, it was all I could think about. Seriously, it wasn’t as if I had to focus all that hard to be annoyed. The same two dickheads walked across the movie every 10 damned minutes. I wasn’t going to watch their stupid-assed show to begin with, but now I’m going to tell others to do the same.

In between the wandering jackasses, the lower third of the TNT screen would also point out that I was currently watching The DaVinci Code and that the SAG Awards were on next. I have to be honest. It really felt like TNT was trying to get a commitment from me that I wasn’t really ready to give. “OK, if we place our promos right and have interesting programs, no one will ever be able to switch channels or even shut their TVs off. We can rule the world!” I should have just switched to the Home Shopping Network. At least they aren’t so sneaky in trying to manipulate me.

It’s just enough already. You can’t watch a movie without crap on the bottom of the screen. Every newscast actually scrolls other news at the bottom of the screen while they tell us about the news. Out of nowhere, the basketball coverage will switch to a more interesting game. It’s strange. It seems like we would become less intelligent without enough information, but it seems as though we’ve hit the point of diminishing return. We see so much going on that we don’t know what the hell is going on.

I get that TV is a tough business and it’s a good idea to draw in as many viewers as possible if you want to stay on the air and make some money. To me, though, the best way to do that is to have some good programming and some good promos for it during the commercials. It also might be nice not to show the same movies 20 times a week, but that’s a different rant for another day. Broadcasters, for some reason, seem to think that all of us viewers have a very short attention span and we need to be stimulated with constant information. They’re probably right. After all, they’re the ones who made us that way.