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• Top 5 Things To Not Do With Your Mom This Weekend

Mom’s weekend. The weekend when the UI campus is overrun with mothers, hoping to bond with their young scholar and really get a sense for what CU is all about. Everyone has a unique relationship with their mom, and depending on what that is, you could end up browsing the stores at Market Place Mall, heading to the Flower Show, or drinking at the Clybourne. No matter what, though, there are certain activities that might ruin your and Mom’s lovely weekend, as well as make the upcoming summer rough if you’re living at home.

Top Five Things to Not Do with your mom this weekend:

1. Invite your mom to your apartment before Friday night’s shacker leaves. Even if she is bearing gifts of cookies, bagels and coffee, sharing with the random in your bed is not only unappealing, it will lead to a lot of questions and improv.
2. Try to bond over cleaning your bathroom. Take care of that shit (ha) yourself, before she comes.
3. Let her go on a “self-guided tour” of the Undergrad while you sit in a cubicle, writing a paper. This is one occasion when she might actually appreciate the art of procrastination.
4. Allow her to hear a raging fight between you and your significant other. Mom might be a source of comfort if things go really wrong, but unless it’s breakup worthy, her hearing anything about your sex life, your jealous tendencies, or how your boyfriend farts in his sleep might not be ideal (and it’s not the best way for him to win her over). Wait until Mom leaves.
5. Let her completely embarrass herself. I’m an advocate of letting Mom let loose and relax, but please don’t let her go home with some random guy (or even worse, a guy you know), get kicked out of the bar, break a bone (“Gosh, I don’t know how you girls walk in these high heels after drinking whisk-whooaaa!”), or whip out her own stories about her role-playing experiences with Pops.

I hope everyone takes this advice to heart. Remember, this is her weekend, and even though the school year is ending faster than any of us can handle, cater to her. She does a lot for you, and seeing how bad of a host you can be might break her heart (or end your parental cash flow).