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The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Buzz says:   MPAA Rating: PG-13
Current Showtimes: No showtimes available

Let me begin by stating that I am, perhaps, biased in my judgment of this film. Having recently seen such remakes and sequels as Hellboy 2, The Dark Knight, Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull and The Hulk , perhaps my level of expectations for sequels, remakes and the likes has become irrationally high. I used to expect Rush Hour 3 when I smelled sequel (or in the case, three-quel); now that I’ve been shown contemporary sequels can be golden, I demand my sequels be quality. But enough about me.

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor is everything it is advertised to be and nothing more: it is, to quote one of my favorite TV shows of all time (The Critic), “the sequel to the sequel of a movie that wasn’t that good to begin with.” Anyone expecting anything more is insane because this movie has more red flags than Russia.

Gone is the charismatic Rachel Weiss, who has better things to do with her life. This isn’t at all like Katie Holmes being covertly fired from the Batman series because she sucks at acting; Rachel Weiss is married to Darren Aronofsky and already has an Oscar.

Back is the stereotypical, obnoxious sidekick Josh Hannah, who -- despite all his “charm” in the first movie -- has been regulated to the role of the token secondary character that drops predictable sarcasm and background jokes, largely rehashing on his exact character from the first two movies. For more information on Josh Hannah in this movie, see Kelly Ripa’s career.

Additionally, the film contains a beyond dead cliché relationship between the main character and his estranged child (in this case, a son). How many times have we seen the “we aren’t very comfortable together for some reason, even though the creators of the movie made up some reason, but then danger strikes and although we are reluctant to trust each other at first, we ultimately work together to overcome whatever obstacle stands in our way to become closer in the end” storyline for this dichotomy?

That said, the film does have a few pluses: Jet Li, who I could have sworn has claimed he has retired a thousand times by now, brings a fresh and action-expected presence to the film. Jet Li was not “great” by any means, but he does some how make the movie less bad than it could have been.

Quick note: I know you aren’t suppose to use the words “good” and/or “bad” in writing, but if the writer of this movie refused to take the time to be in any way creative in his script, I see no reason why I should.

Finally, I come to the coup de grace of what unsettles me most about the movie: Brendan Frasier. Is this seriously what his career has come to? Crappy [children’s] movies that no one wants to see? I know he sucked in romance movies no one wanted to see (i.e., Blast From The Past) and crappy teen comedies no one wanted to see (ie, Bedazzled), but he has been quite solid in the few serious roles he’s had (Gods And Monsters, The Quiet American). If Brendan Frasier could only be more aggressive, selective and serious about his career and the roles he chooses (instead of looking for a quick buck), he could be a respected and respectable actor, in my honest opinion. It pains me to see him try so little to fail so hard. At least when Nicholas Cage makes shitty movies, he makes AMAZINGLY shitty movies that I enjoy drunk. Frasier, not so much (and believe me, I’ve tried -- avoid Journey To The Center Of The Earth at all costs).

I guess what I’m trying to say here is this: if you were stupid enough to have enjoyed The Mummy Returns, you may enjoy Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor. If you expect anything more than a mindless sequel, you are more imbecile the aforementioned stupid people. Perhaps you should just go see The Dark Knight again instead.