• the217
• Life
• The key to happiness

People always assume I’m a happy guy. I guess this is because I often have a sort of dumbass look on my face that tends to get taken for a smile. Many times, it actually is a smile. Many other times, it’s simply a dumbass look. I don’t really think about how happy I am most of the time. I’m very aware of when I’m unhappy, though, so I just assume it’s one or the other. If I’m not unhappy, I must be happy and vice versa. Using this special brand of idiot logic, I would have to say that I actually am really happy most of the time. Still, it’s nice to get that kind of thing confirmed every so often just so I’m clear on what exactly I’m feeling.

Last week, I read an article about a survey done by the Pew Research Center that told us who seems to fit this happiness mold. It turns out that if you’re old, male and republican, chances are you’re a happy kind of fella. I assumed my dad was just happy because he had a crapload of beer and plenty of time to drink it, but it turns out that may not be the only reason. I usually give beer far more credit than it actually deserves anyway, so it’s nice to look at some other factors every once in a while.

It turns out that even though times are tough for everyone these days, many older, retired folks had already scaled back their lifestyle before the economy got bad, so they aren’t as worried as some of the rest of us. It sort of makes sense. I would assume everyone relaxes a little bit as they get closer to the finish line. Also, it’s kind of pointless to worry about losing a job you don’t have anymore. As an added bonus, most of them should be done raising their children by now, so they can finally just relax. I’m sure they are still a few 60-year-olds living in the basement of their 80-year-old parents’ house but hopefully not enough to make much of a statistical difference.

As far as the Republicans being happier, I sort of figured it was because they had more money, but that wasn’t the case either. They were happier even after the survey was adjusted for income. I now have to assume the soothing bitter sounds of Fox News can really cheer a person up even though it doesn’t really seem that way. They didn’t offer much data on why males are happier than females, but they did say it was a very small difference. In this case, I will have to assume it’s nothing more than the completely awesome ability to pee standing up. Seriously, ladies, it’s really pretty handy.

There were some other interesting things. The folks who were 50 to 64 years old were very anxious about seeing their nest eggs shrink. Younger adults who were 18 to 49 had been hit hardest by the tough job market, and yet they were still upbeat about their financial future. I would guess this is because the younger kids haven’t quite learned the importance and usefulness of being cynical. I’m sadly sure they’ll learn to dial down those expectations pretty quickly.

Either way, worrying about the future and being happy aren’t mutually exclusive. Thirty-four percent of us consider ourselves “very happy.” Still, as referenced earlier, I’m blaming beer for at least half of that percentage. It’s nice a third of us are happy, though, no matter what the reason. Fifty percent of us are “pretty happy.” That’s sort of a nice little purgatory they got going, I guess. There are a few grumpy people out there with 15 percent saying they are “not too happy.” Thanks for bringing the rest of us down, DJ Buzzkill. One percent of us “don’t know” if they are happy. God bless the simpletons. I’d think being that clueless about oneself would almost lead to a feeling of bliss.

There were a few surprises to me on the happiness survey. They found pet owners were no happier than those without pets. That can’t be right. Cat owners were just as happy as dog owners. That can’t be right either. They found people who regularly go to church are happier than people who don’t. I don’t know for sure, but that doesn’t sound right to me. I guess they may be happier in the long run, but I can’t imagine anyone doing a little tap dance on Sunday at 8 a.m. with that hour-long service staring them in the face.

In the end, I’m sure the economy has an effect on our happiness, but I’m not sure it can be blamed for everything. I think many people are just simply unhappy, and I think a lot of them actually sort of like being this way. It’s kind of weird how they manage to get a creepy little joy out of their unhappiness. Some people are smiling their asses off all the time, and I find that every bit as annoying as the sour pusses. As for me, I guess I’m really happy when I stop to think about it. I guess that dumbass look really is a smile most of the time. Still, I think I might have been just a tad bit happier when I wasn’t completely sure whether I was or not.