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Recently, a reader asked us if we could discuss biting in our “Doin’ It Well” column. He explained that he had been with a woman who liked to bite and thought it would be an interesting topic for our readers. Many people have experimented with sensual nibbling on a partner’s ear, nipples or neck during sex play. Others, however, are into more intense biting behaviors, mixing pain with pleasure and perhaps adding issues of power and control to the sexual scene. Even the Kama Sutra addresses this sexual behavior. Because there are many reasons people like to bite and get bitten, we decided to sink our teeth into biting.

Love at First Bite

Physically, the sensation of being bitten can be different or more intense than other types of stimulation (such as kissing or licking) and might therefore add to sexual arousal. Biting also feels differently depending on the body part; the lower lip, inner thigh, clitoris, lower back, penis, scrotum, shoulder and buttocks each feel differently when bitten. Simply put, biting can feel good.

In addition, there can be emotional or psychological factors. Biting may feel animalistic and can elicit raw feelings of sexual arousal, desire and passion. Experiencing biting from a partner can be a turn-on simply because it’s different than what you might be used to. When biting is used to inflict varying degrees of (consensual) pain, power is a part of the scene and can be a turn-on for people. In this way, one person has the power to give and to stop the pain or pleasure, teasing his or her partner, who may have to then tell them how intensely they are feeling the sensation and ask them to continue or to stop the stimulation.

Something to Chew On

Motivation of the biter may be important for the receiver. Is the person biting doing so to turn the other on and give pleasure, or is he or she biting because inflicting pain arouses him or her? Depending on the answer, receiving bites from a partner might be something you are into or not willing to try. Be sure to explore your reactions to being bitten, and, as always, only engage in what you are comfortable with. This may mean asking your partner what they like about biting or why they want to bite you. Both partners should focus on learning about their partner’s sexual desires, versus trying to shame or judge their behaviors. Just because one of you may not want to get bitten or bite the other doesn’t mean that person is wrong for being interested or turned on by those things.

Once Bitten

What do you do if you hook up with someone and he or she starts biting you? For starters, you can say “OW!” Of course, it’s ideal when partners can talk about sexual behaviors ahead of time, but we all know that sitting down with someone you’ve recently met and saying, “I like to bite, are you into that?” doesn’t always happen. More commonly, people start engaging in sexual activity, one person “tries” something and then gauges the response of their partner. Like any sexual behavior that a new partner might suggest or try, prepare how you will handle things you may not be immediately comfortable with. It can be helpful to consider phrases you will use, such as “Let’s slow down a minute” or, by keeping it sexy yet direct, “What is it you want to do to me?” Knowing your partner’s ideas will help you decide if it’s something you want to explore.

For biters, it’s important to take it slowly with a new partner — and ask first. Start out with a light bite to a less sensitive part of the body, and ask him or her if he or she is OK with it. Then increase the intensity, checking in with your partner along the way. Certainly, not talking may add to the excitement, suspense, mystery and fun, but leaving a partner the next morning with a bad biting experience is not sexy either.

Bite Marks

If you’re new to biting, keep in mind that it can leave a mark or bruise, so consider where you’re being bitten, and redirect your partner to a different part of your body if you don’t want the mark to be noticeable to others over the upcoming week.

Both biters and those bitten alike sometimes enjoy the marks left by biting. For biters, it may be a sense of leaving a reminder on the partner’s body. For those bitten, marks or bruises can be a nice memento of the enjoyed experience, allowing them to relive through fantasy an intense sexual experience.

True Blood

Sometimes biting can draw blood either intentionally or by accident. Remember that exposure to blood can increase your risk for HIV and Hepatitis (B, C). If you’re into biting, vampire or blood play, be sure you and your partners are tested for these infections and vaccinated against Hep B.

Thanks to KC for help with this column. Stay tuned next week as we address a reader question about fantasies.