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• Revisiting sexual harassment

We’re all probably familiar with sexual harassment as it relates to the workplace and school. In the workplace and school, the law requires employers (educators) to protect their employees (students) from sexual harassment. In a social setting, however, it’s sometimes hard to know how to react to harassment. Also, getting support from others can sometimes be challenging. This week, “DIW” decided to revisit the ever-complicated nature of sexual harassment.

That’s Not What I Meant

Some people simply do not know what constitutes harassing behavior or how or why some comments make others feel uncomfortable. Examples of harassment include wolf whistles, leering, invading a person’s personal space (standing too close, rubbing against them), pulling on clothing (flipping up a skirt, tugging on a blouse), touching a breast, crotch or butt, exposing yourself to someone, inappropriate gifts (lingerie), displaying sexually explicit materials or making derogatory or sexual comments about someone (including jokes). When these behaviors are unwanted or inappropriate, it’s harassment.

It’s Just a Joke

It can be hard to understand why these behaviors might make someone feel uncomfortable. Consistently we hear, “You can’t say anything anymore without offending someone,” or “Sometimes a joke is just a joke, and that’s all.” On the other hand, it isn’t rocket science to recognize when someone is uncomfortable and to use these and other behaviors to intimidate someone in the name of “flirting.” When someone sexually harasses another person, he or she ignores the other person, his or her humanity and his or her right to go out without being harassed. And all these “little jokes” add up over time and create and sustain a culture in which it is then permissible for people to treat others, especially women, however they want, including more increased forms of violence like physical and sexual assault.

Social Context

Because of policies that exist against harassment in the workplace and school, it can be more surprising to experience harassment in a social setting, where it’s still permitted and no clear policies exist to hold harassers accountable. Because of this, it’s up to all of us to ensure that we consistently work to eradicate harassment from our daily lives and the lives of women we care about.

Recently, Kim was at a bar with a friend when a man grabbed her friend’s ass. Her friend told the man to get the f*ck away from her and that he was lucky she didn’t call the police. The man’s response? “Can I buy you a drink?” After he continued harassing her, Kim’s friend threw a drink at him, got the attention of the bartender, explained the situation and the man was thrown out. The women were actually surprised and impressed that the bartender had their backs (the harasser probably was, too).

When Kim and her friend discussed this situation, they didn’t see many choices. They decided that calling the police didn’t feel viable and punching the guy in the face would undoubtedly get the women kicked out. They also considered leaving, but that felt like their punishment for his actions. This experience led to an interesting social experiment. Kim’s friend told several people at the bar that the man had grabbed her. Most people just shrugged it off.

When harassment occurs, many people may see it as something they don’t have control over. Both men and women may see the behavior as something that should be “expected” in social settings. The harassment itself sometimes highlights how the harassers feel sure that nothing will be done about their behavior. They may know, on some level, they can get away with it. But interestingly, many people are uncomfortable when this happens, though they may not feel like they would have a group’s support to challenge it.

Harassment Is Not Flirting

Sometimes people hide behind “I was just flirting; lighten up.” Flirting is definitely fun and exciting, but it’s also a two-way street. Flirting is not using power or position over someone to get him or her to give a response you want. Flirting does not use intimidation; it’s a mutual expression of interest in interacting.

We all need to work together to hold harassers accountable and to stand up — instead of standing by — when harassment takes place. It can be difficult to know what to do, but numbers help! We should expect, rather than be surprised, that harassing behaviors won’t be tolerated. If more people band together to send a message like the bartender did of “not in my bar” or “not in my town,” we can ensure that our communities are safe and comfortable for all their citizens.

Check us out next week as we take a long look at penis envy.