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• Overcoming penis envy: Learning to love the junk you’ve got

We’ve spoken many times about the unrealistic body messages that women receive from the media and their peers. We’ve written about how porn gives us unrealistic ideas about how our genitals should look and behave. But men shouldn’t have worries about their bodies, right? Wrong. While the media portrays more realistic variations in men’s bodies, only a certain version of the penis — upright, hard, long — gets promoted. “Doin’ It Well” thought we might give the penis a long, hard stare.

Check It Out

Even though we weren’t supposed to be looking, we have learned from a variety of places what men’s penises should look like. There’s a misperception that because men had to shower in PE classes or use urinals next to one another, that they automatically have a sense of the diversity of penises. Although men may have been able to “sneak a peek,” checking out other men’s packages is a big no-no. So what are we left with? Self reports and porn. Famously most men tend to exaggerate their penis size when asked. Also, porn tends to show only a couple types of penises: long and longer. We are therefore left with few places from which to learn what “normal” penises look like.

How Do I Compare?

Consequently, many guys wonder how their junk compares to other men. A number of studies have attempted to figure out what is “average” for men’s penises throughout the world. Researchers have found that the average length (measured from the abdomen to the tip of the penis) of a flaccid penis is 3-4 inches, and the average length of an erect penis is 5-6 inches. Additionally, there tends to be a lot less variation in the length of erect penises than flaccid ones. Research also shows that most men overestimate what they believe is average penis size and judge themselves against this incorrect measurement. In addition, studies have repeatedly found that size does not vary significantly from one ethnic group to another.

In addition to size, many men have a variety of curvatures in their erect penises. Some erect penises point down, forward, left, right, up, or some combination thereof. If you want to check out a wide range of healthy, normal, and beautiful flaccid and erect penises, check out www.erectionphotos.com, a Web site with hundreds of penis pictures (in the name of research).

The Big Question

Many of men’s anxieties (just check your spam inbox if you don’t believe us) center around penis length. Pumps, herbal treatments, pills — they all claim to increase the size of your Johnson. Not surprising when conversations about John Holmes, Ron Jeremy, and 14-inch erections were the subject of many young men’s awe. But, does size really matter?

The answer is not simply yes or no. In terms of physical pleasure — either yours or the pleasure your partner is able to experience during sex, the answer is no, unless we make it matter. There are countless sexual acts and countless variations to those acts to explore if a penis is too big or too small to be comfortable. In addition, there are also countless individual preferences that make it impossible to have the exact right “size” for all partners. Keep in mind, penis size doesn’t vary that much and if someone is focused on size, they may be losing sight of how to actually experience pleasure.

At the same time, our spam inbox shows us that size does “matter,” because we make it matter. When we make the big penis a symbol of virility, a good lover, and masculinity, then we might all begin to believe that it means these things in reality. We become fascinated by large penises in such a way that makes the long penis itself the object of fantasy — even if we wouldn’t even really enjoy having one in actuality. Penis size can also be used to emasculate or put men down, even though the facts don’t back this up (very few men have abnormally small penises). Penis put-downs are sex negative! Much more important than the penis are the people connected to those penises, and their ability to care, laugh, and love.

If you have questions about your penis or the way it functions, talk to a healthcare provider. These questions are more common than you think!

Stay tuned till next week when we’ll say, “Suck it!”