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Jo Sanger & Ross Wantland like to explore new topics in their column. Send them ideas at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.

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Awhile back, we were encouraged to explore the topic of asexuality in an effort to educate ourselves and others on this over-looked aspect of sexuality. This week, “Doin’ It Well” decided to get asexual in our column.

There are many misperceptions about people who are asexual; some people assume that they are not capable of or interested in love, long-term relationships, do not have emotional needs, or that something is “wrong” with them. This week, we hope to highlight the asexual community, and maybe help some of our readers find a sense of fellowship and celebration.

Like priests do?

Asexuality is different from being celibate. Celibacy is a choice not to engage in sexual behaviors — something most people do at different points in their lives for different reasons. Asexuality, however, is not experiencing sexual attraction or a sense of being or feeling sexual. According to http://www.asexuality.org, asexuality is deemed a sexual orientation and is not a choice to ignore or repress sexual attraction and feelings, but rather is seen as an intrinsic part of who someone is as a person.

As http://www.asexuality.orgstates, “Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community, we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own; others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.”

Can you truly be asexual?

At “Doin’ It Well,” we recognize that all beings are sexual and that our sexuality spans more than just the physicality of behaviors or emotions of desire and attraction. Our sexuality is complex and includes our biggest sexual organ, the brain. With this, sexuality includes our thoughts, feelings, actions and our physical bodies and health. Sexuality may therefore also be recognized on a spectrum with asexuality on one end and hyper sexuality on the other. Often, both extremes on any spectrum suffer negative stereotypes and consequences from the larger society that values homogeneity and wants people to fit neatly inside specific boxes.

People often ask, “Is that really possible? To not be sexual?” and want science to validate or prove asexuality. We take the stance that each individual can decide for him or herself if they experience sexual attraction; these people don’t need science telling them what they are experiencing is real. The second piece to the equation — and perhaps the real concern that the larger population has — is, “Are they happy?” As with any aspect of our sexuality, if we are satisfied, feel good about it and are not infringing on the rights of others — celebrate! But, if we notice something about our sexuality that bothers us, that’s when we might decide to talk to someone about making it better.

Another example of this is sexual desire. There is no magic level of sexual desire that is “normal” for everyone, although we’ve heard lots of hypotheses from “sex three times a week” to “as long as your partner is satisfied.” In actuality, people may experience low or no desire that does not bother them or affect their life. Therefore, no problem really exists for them. Once it does interfere with their relationship with themselves, a partner (when levels of desire do not match), or begins to affect their quality of life, it can become “a problem.” Those who are asexual do not experience their asexuality as a problem in need of “fixing” nor should they.

No sex?

While sexuality is an important aspect of our lives, there is certainly a lot more to living! Human relationships, emotional needs, love, work, family, hobbies, political action, etc. are other things that we spend our time and energies on. In fact, people who are asexual highlight that they do not care about sex or do not focus on sex as the “biggest” aspect of a person’s life the way the rest of society can often do.

People who identify as being asexual are as varied as the rest of us. With that, their experiences also vary. The term asexual is simply a label, a definition and a way to find solidarity and community. There is no test one passes to determine if he or she is asexual, and our sense of who we are (a)sexually may remain solid or be more fluid throughout our lives. This is the beauty of exploring ourselves, from asexuality to sexuality. There are options, and we ultimately get to decide what feels best for us.

Check us out next week as we toast famous women in sexual herstory.