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While there’s nothing new about sexual partners taking explicit photos of each other or making sexual films, we recently realized we haven’t seen much discussion about filming yourself during sex or why people might want to film themselves. We may hear about an “amateur” video or celeb sex tape, but not about what to consider if you’re thinking about it. Although our AV skills are minimal, “Doin’ It Well” decided to give our readers some tips on filming it well!

Coming soon

What exactly is the allure of snapping a sexy picture of yourself or your partner, or making a sex tape? It may be the element of exhibitionism and performance. Other people may not be watching, but the film’s own creator(s) could watch themselves. It becomes a way to step outside of yourself and watch your body, your partner and your sexual activities in a new way.

The film (or pictures) may also be a way to communicate feelings for a partner. Sending a sexy picture or video might be both erotic and intimate. Remember, as we discussed in our column on “sexting,” [“Sext Ed,” June, 12, 2008] sending or receiving a sexual image of a minor — even if you’re a minor yourself — counts as distribution of child pornography and is illegal! But if you’re both of age and it’s consensual, a sex tape might be a way to send a care package to a long-distance lover, or give a special gift your partner won’t forget. With a partner, filming sex may be something both partners want to explore as a way to spice up the relationship. And individuals with or without a partner might like the thrill of filming their solo sex and watching it later.

Where to Start

If you’re interested in recording your sexcapades, talk with your partner and see how they feel about it first. Clearly, recording someone without their permission is not sexy or cool — it’s sexually violating. By talking about it, you may find that your partner is really excited about making a tape, which would make the video much sexier. They may be horrified, or intrigued but unsure. Talk with each other about what you would like to get out of the experience. Will it be a turn on just to be filmed? Will you want to watch the tape together (or alone) later? What will you film-intimate moments or the recreation of a porn plot? And what is it about seeing them on film that you would enjoy?

Chances are your partner may have reservations about being filmed. One of the main reservations is that the images may be shared either intentionally or accidentally. Being filmed may also bring up anxieties about the ways our bodies look or our sexual performance. There are alternatives to taping. Making love in front of a mirror, or having a camera set up but turned off might add a thrill, and allow you to see what it might feel like to be filmed, if you do decide to record yourselves.

Green Lighting

If you and your partner(s) are into the idea, you’ll need some equipment. If you’re planning on filming your sexual activities, you’ll need a camera that has enough memory and resolution. Also, you might consider purchasing a tripod. They are relatively cheap, and it will be much easier than propping a camera up on a nightstand. Finally, think about lighting. This isn’t a summer blockbuster, but you’ll need enough light for the camera to catch what’s going on. If that feels like too much trouble, purchase a camera with an infrared feature. Sure, you’ll have that eerie green pall over you, but it will be worth it!

No One Likes a Pirate

We cannot stress enough that filming someone during sex must be consensual. Not only can it be illegal to film someone without their permission, it’s disrespectful and dishonest to film sex without the knowledge of others.

Additionally, this means that no one has the right to share someone else’s image with their friends — or the world. We’re all familiar with the “celeb sex tape” videos, not all of which claim to be consensually recorded, with men bragging about releasing pictures of their (surprise, now-ex) girlfriends. This is definitely not “Doin’ It Well.” Even Paris Hilton has publicly discouraged young women from making sex tapes because of how easily they can be shared. Some suggest that you should only film yourself if you’re okay with everyone seeing it. Even if you trust someone completely at the time, you might want to think about what the consequences would be if they released these images. If you are ever in doubt, you can always tape yourselves, and then delete it afterwards. You still have the experience without the possibility of winding up on some user-driven porn site. Remember, just in case, hit erase.