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• Love for a lifetime: sex at 50, 60 and beyond

Sex appears to be a market that young adults have cornered. Most of the sexual images we see in the mainstream media are of young or middle-aged adults. When we do see sexual images of older adults, they are labeled funny or disgusting. Except for the occasional Viagra commercial, what we mostly see is the lack of sexual representations of older adults. Apparently, Grandma and Grandpa are asexual.

Actually, many older adults are sexual. A recent study reported that 73 percent of people age 55-64, 53 percent of people age 65-74 and 26 percent of 75-85-year-olds were sexually active in the past year. Although the way sex looks may change over our lifespan, this doesn’t make it any less fun, pleasurable or exciting. We wanted to take a look at how we can have great sex for a lifetime.

As We Age

Men’s and women’s bodies experience a variety of changes related to sexuality as we age. Around age 30, men begin to experience andropause, a decrease in testosterone, which generally occurs at a more gradual rate than menopause. As these hormones decrease, a man may experience some loss of sexual desire and slower or softer erections. He may need increased (and sustained) stimulation to get and keep an erection, may have shorter orgasms and have a longer refractory period before getting another erection.

For women, menopause is when the women’s ovaries produce less estrogen, which typically begins between ages 45 and 55. Symptoms of menopause are different for every woman but can include hot flashes, decreased vaginal lubrication and loss of muscle tone and elasticity in the pelvic and vaginal area.

As these changes happen, we may have a variety of emotional reactions. If all we’ve seen are images of young, traditionally beautiful people, we may feel disappointed if we don’t have a rock-hard erection or take longer getting wet. We might see our wrinkles or gray hairs as proof that we’re somehow less desirable. But everyone goes through these changes, and they don’t make us any less sexual at 60 than we were at 16.

Aging Gracefully (and Sexually)

Aging is a natural part of the life cycle, and we don’t have to fear losing our sexuality. Here are some of our tips for being sexual in older adulthood.

Communication

Aging can cause both emotional and physical changes in our bodies. Talking with our partners during these changes allows us to talk about what we want and how we can do it. Additionally, using touch, discussing fantasies and letting your partner know how you feel about him or her can build connections that help both partners enjoy the experience more.

Stay Healthy

Being healthy as we age, although not always possible, impacts our sexual lives. If you have certain conditions or are taking medications that you think are interfering with your sex life, consult your health care provider. Also, sex is a great way to stay healthy; it burns calories, doesn’t have to be strenuous and can improve mood. Kegel exercises, which strengthen pelvic muscles in men and women, can intensify pleasure and orgasm. Good sex as we age isn’t about pushing past discomfort or changes but respecting these changes and finding new and creative ways of being sexual.

Lube Up!

For women and men, ample lubrication helps protect skin that may be thinner due to aging and can make up for decreases in the body’s lubrication. Estrogen creams may also help create more vaginal lubrication for women. Lube can make sex more enjoyable at any age!

Be Safe

Nearly half of people age 65 and older are single. Finding a partner and being sexual can be exciting and empowering. Although the risk of getting pregnant may have dramatically decreased, be sure to use latex barriers (such as condoms). The risk of transmitting STDs is still present, regardless of our age.

Stay Positive and Patient

Despite what the media show us, change we experience as we age doesn’t mean we can’t have sex. But it may mean we have to redefine sex and what is sexy and desirable. Think outside the box beyond penetration. Be patient and accepting of bodily changes in both you and your partner. Remember that you are and deserve to be sexual, and your current lifestyle may give you more time and freedom (from work or children) to enjoy this aspect of your life! Consider that holding hands, romance, rubbing genitals, oral sex and mutual masturbation are all sexual behaviors.

Sex can help you stay healthy and live longer! Accepting and celebrating these changes can help make your sex life a new and exciting experience that will last a lifetime.

Check out “Doin’ It Well” next week as we get the 411 on chat room abbreviations.