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(Catherine Lamy, Buzz Illustrator)

A recent study conducted by an unconfirmed source revealed the discovery of an epidemic that seems to plaguing singles internationally:

Valentinitis- A condition in which individuals lacking a stable romantic relationship begin displaying anger or depression toward any mention of Valentine’s Day. This behavior can be onset days or weeks before the aforementioned holiday and is worsened by exposure to related apparel such as hearts, flowers, anything pink or red, and the word “love”. Symptoms include frequent attacks on couples, destruction of the Valentine’s Day section at drugstores, and sudden attachment to ice cream, particularly Ben & Jerry’s®.

Okay, so Valentinitis is not real, but if the orgy of red and pink makes you want to punch a hole through your wall, please stop yourself. One, this only makes your landlord or university housing extremely ecstatic because now they get to charge you for property damage. Two, you will probably hurt your hand, resulting in a bloody mess. And three, who cares that you’re not paired off? There are a lot of cool ways to spend the day! Here’s a list of some ideas:

1. Have a movie night- Invite some friends over for a movie marathon but leave The Notebook out for this. You don’t want to provoke feelings that might lead you to consider Zoloft®. Now is a great time to catch up on Freddy vs. Jason.
2. Think- …about how much money you save NOT buying flowers, boxers, lingerie, teddy bears and jewelry. You can use those funds to buy half a textbook for next semester.
3. Listen to some angry music- This genre always seems to have many therapeutic properties. Some recommendations are:
   “Man in a Box”- Alice in Chains
   “Lithium”- Nirvana
   “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”-Smashing Pumpkins
4. Call- …your mom, dad, uncle, grandma, or second cousin twice removed. Let them know you are still alive and if you’re feeling really adventurous, have a real conversation with them, something beyond “Yo, can you send me some money?”
5. Bake something- You don’t have to go all Betty Crocker on this one. If you have the skills to whip up a triple layer chocolate mousse cake, go for it. For people that are baking challenged, there’s always break and bake cookies.
6. Play some tackle football- Taking someone down is so rejuvenating. And after an evening of football, you can write Tom Brady a letter with some pointers on how not to get sacked 1,287 times in one quarter.
7. Make a craft- Remember friendship bracelets and those lizards made of beads? Time to resurrect them.
8. Do some pre-spring cleaning- If the dust bunnies under your bed look more like dust dinosaurs, Swiffer® is calling your name. Your lungs will thank you.
9. Go workout- If walking from the Engineering Quad to Lincoln Hall is your idea of exercise, this is the perfect day to upgrade. Since many people will be getting a workout of a different kind, the gym will be next to empty and for once, there won’t be a three hour wait for the treadmill.
10. Realize-…that it’s ridiculous to be wasting time and brain capacity worrying about being single one day out of the 365. Put that effort into doing something useful: like watching a Family Guy marathon.