In the last 25 years or so, in-home sex toy parties have gained popularity. Created as an alternative way for women to have access to sex aids and toys, a number of companies — big and small — have sprung up. We caught up with local consultant Marcey Goldstein and health educators Brandy Reeves and Erin Lapham from Pure Romance, a national sex toy party company, to find out more.

Where’s the Party?

We asked the representatives of Pure Romance why they believed these in-home parties were so popular. “In-home parties are an alternative to buying sex toys in a retail store, through a catalog or online. [F]or most women [sex toys] are part of a relationship — either with a partner or themselves,” Goldstein said.

Reeves and Lapham agreed, and added that the parties provide comfort and safety. “[These parties] empower women to discuss [sex] in a safe environment where they feel comfortable to ask their most personal questions,” the said. “There are not many opportunities where women feel completely at ease asking questions and learning about their bodies. We have found over the years that many women do not feel comfortable asking their health care providers about some of their issues and experiences. Having a mixed gender environment may not allow women the chance to learn and have fun in a completely relaxed manner.”

“I find most sex toy shops to be a bit intimidating and male-focused, so I feel more comfortable learning about various products and questioning the host than I would in an actual store,” said Jennifer, who attended a local party.

Party Atmosphere

“As a consultant, I do what I can to make the party fun,” Goldstein said of the parties she hosts. “I start out by playing a couple of games to loosen up the guests. After the games, I demonstrate the creams and lotions, and the women get to try them on their hands and arms. Then I bring out the toys and explain how and why each type is used. After the demonstration, I have the women come one at a time into a private room. The atmosphere allows women to talk with each other more openly [if they choose] about sexuality and pleasure, and validates female sexuality in a way that is not always present in the larger society.”

Most consultants arrange for a private room at the party to take orders. The Pure Romance staff said that this is when party-goers will ask more personal questions, such as how to orgasm, erectile dysfunction and low desire.

Consultant Ed

The training the consultant receives is a crucial component of any good in-home party. As health educators, Reeves and Lapham provide Pure Romance consultants around the nation with education and consultation to help them in their role. “By providing them with the education and resources they need,” they said, “we are essentially training lay health advisors to provide women with the information they need to impact their sexual health.” Because the level of education varies widely, it might be important to ask a consultant about their training specifically in sexual health. But remember: personal experience and opinions are just that — personal — and, therefore, different for everyone.

Do You Buy It?

So toys, lubes and other sex aids are great, but are they necessary for a good sex life? “There are many intimacy enhancing products available and we want to help people choose the product that is going to be best for them,” Reeves and Lapham said. Goldstein agreed. “I feel sex toys can add an extra dimension to sex ... [they can] add a little sparkle to what may have become routine,” she said.

Ultimately, sex shops and in-home parties have to make a profit to succeed. Products can help enhance our sex lives, alone or with partners, but they are not the key to good sex itself; that is within each of us. It happens when we embrace our own sexuality, desires, and limits, and when we respect these in our partners.

A huge thank you to Goldstein, Lapham and Reeves for their willingness to be interviewed for our column. Find out more about Pure Romance at http://www.pureromance.com. Stay tuned next week as “Doin’ It Well” gets on the couch to talk about sex therapy.