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(Catherine Lamy, Buzz illustrator)

With Hanukkah just over it’s time to remember the joy of the holiday season, and what’s more joyous than all the family friends, and of course, food? To commemorate those eight food-filled nights, Scott has been kind enough to write a few stanzas on what Hanukkah and its food means to him.

No matter if it’s Christmas, Kwanzaa or Hanukkah, holiday dinners are all insanity,
Grandma Beth loses her dentures and Uncle Eddie is using profanity.
Yet, everyone looks forward to that one time of year,
When they eat their customary foods — usually burnt or dangerously rare.

At my Hanukkah table, latkes are the popular pick,
Dipped in applesauce, these potato pancakes usually do the trick.
At the perfect temperature, they simmer in the oven,
They are the favorite treats of such Jews as Sandler, Moses, and McLovin.

I often get depressed when they don’t come out as planned,
Sometimes they explode, burn, or just flat-out taste like sand.
The worst is when they overcook, coming out like a lump of coal.
You know it’s a bad sign when even your dog says, “Get that outta my bowl!”

The main problem with latkes is that they are overly greasy,
You eat more than five, and quickly become queasy.
They churn in your belly, giving your stomach a good fight.
They contain enough oil to keep the menorah lit for more than eight nights.

Many years ago, somebody made a dreidel out of clay,
But due to mass industrialization, technological advancements, and low oversea labor costs, dreidels are made of colored plastic today.
You spin this top, usually winning riches to put in your money belt,
But since we’re poor college kids, we just win chocolate gelt.

The level of observance determines a Jew’s tradition,
More religious Jews eat the same foods, but usually under one condition.
They often follow a list of extensive rules, more commonly known as Kosher,
Even the rhyming dictionary doesn’t know what the hell rhymes with Kosher.

As the winter days get shorter, and this poem gradually concludes,
What brings everyone together is the sharing of holiday foods.
The importance of family values makes everyone around the table a winner,
Even if many Jews, like me, go out for a Chinese dinner.