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When I was in high school, Lou Reed was about the coolest guy I could think of. Even now, he still seems pretty cool. Back then, he was cool because he sang songs that were completely different from the life I was living and it seemed adventurous. Now he seems cool because he’s still alive and that seems to spit in the very face of science. His albums have always been pretty hit or miss, but I still listen to each one of them like it’s something special. The only time I questioned him was in the 1980s when he did a scooter commercial for Honda. Hell, even the commercial was pretty cool, but it was still a commercial and that didn’t seem so cool to me. It almost seemed like Sweet Lou was betraying me. Other celebrities can do whatever they want, but the cool ones really almost have to play by a different set of rules to make me happy.

Looking back, it really was sort of jarring, gritty street scenes of New York flashed as the instrumental part of Lou’s song “Walk on the Wild Side” played in the background. At the end, we see Lou sitting on a freaking little scooter and he says, ”Don’t settle for walkin’.” Lou always seemed clever in his songs when he was singing about an addiction, or a transvestite, or some freaky chick he was doing. Virtually any joke made about a scooter, however, isn’t clever, particularly when its made by Lou Reed. If it was meant to be absurd, I could have understood, but the sincerity only seemed to make it worse.

It was still impossible for me to hate him though. I get the feeling he never really cashed in on all those records he made. He had about a song and a half that would maybe be considered borderline hits and that was about it. If anybody deserved a payday for all his overlooked work, it was probably Lou. I suppose a scooter commercial was as good a way to sell out as any. It’s not like there are a lot of syringe commercials on television. He took his money and ran, and honestly, it’s hard for me to blame him in any way.

I’m sure this forgiveness comes to me easier nowadays. It’s all part of the deal; if you’re famous, you’re selling something. If Charles Manson ever gets paroled, I’m sure his only real career opportunities lie in him being a pitchman.

I started thinking about all of this when I read a quick little article that Bob Dylan was thinking about lending his voice to car companies for their GPS systems. I must have completely softened to the idea of commercialism, because I think that sounds like an awesome idea. The voice on our GPS now is an annoying woman whose voice is the equivalent of chewing foil by the time we’re five minutes out of town. Bob’s raspy drawl would be a completely welcome addition to any road trip. Geez Louise, I’d turn the GPS on if I was just going to the local grocery store.

As cool as it sounds, there are some obvious drawbacks I can think of. First of all, I can’t understand about half of the things he’s saying the first time I listen to his records. This is fine if you’re sitting on the couch with the liner notes, but I would imagine it’s not handy to have to check the glossary every time before you make a turn. Second of all, I feel like since the man preferred to take the road less traveled his voice would, as well. “Hey, you could make a right turn in 400 feet and get on the interstate, but how about we take a little detour and go over this rickety assed bridge about ten miles down the road? What do you say, partner?”

Still, if anyone is going to tell me what to do, I’m fairly sure Bob would make it go down easier. The more I think about it, I really wish more celebrities would lend their voices to products I use. Instead of a buzzing alarm clock, I would love to have the sultry tones of Neko Case asking me if I’d like to sleep for ten more minutes. It would seem completely appropriate if Tom Waits’ gravelly voice told me my morning coffee was ready. They could even make a pocket breathalyzer with Lindsay Lohan’s voice that could possibly make most of us swear off the booze forever.

I guess I’m now okay with my cultural heroes being in advertisements. Part of that is probably just facing facts; it’s going to happen, so get used to it. The other part is a little rule I’ve always followed. If someone wants to give you money, shut your freaking mouth and take it. If I’m honest, I really don’t like Lou Reed’s music any less because he was in a scooter commercial and I’m sure I won’t quit listening to Bob Dylan’s music if he’s the voice of a GPS system. Sure, it still feels a little weird but I think that’s only because I want to keep them all to myself. Let them sell whatever they want to the masses. When you really think about it, the worst thing that could happen is that the world’s a little bit of a cooler place.