I think it’s safe to say that most people have, at one time or another, walked an ethnic restaurant and felt completely lost, regardless of how often we’ve visited these places or how familiar we are with exotic food. We’ve all done it – our utensils poised over our food, head tilted toward the plate, while our eyes discreetly watch the others for the “right” way to eat.

(I once saw a man at a Chinese restaurant going at a family-style serving platter of beef and broccoli by himself while the others at the table enjoyed variety with the help of the lazy Susan, but that may be slightly beside the point.)

Have you ever been to an ethnic restaurant with a friend of the same ethnicity? Whenever I share an Indian meal with Darshana, one of my best friends and lunch and dinner date companions, I notice the way she scoops up food – whether or not pinching it up between pieces of naan – using the first four fingers of her hand expertly, pushing the food into her mouth with her thumb. Meanwhile I can’t help but pinch everything between my thumb and my forefinger, like a sissy, while droplets of spicy sauce drip between my fingers and onto my jeans.

Other times, it’s not just form that throws us off, but our own cultures. As I was growing up, my family would often visit Japanese restaurants. Sukiyaki, a noodle soup with thinly sliced beef and vegetables in a light sweet and tangy broth, was always a favorite for my dad. Alongside the big bowl of soup came a raw egg in a small bowl. He would break the egg into the boiling-hot soup and stir it around until the egg cooked into wispy little clouds among the noodles – as is done with some Filipino soups.

One day, after bringing our orders to the table, one particularly helpful Japanese waitress took the liberty to crack the egg into the small bowl, whisk it with a fork and show him how to dip pieces of the beef into the egg. My dad ate his sukiyaki sullenly, muttering, “She beat my egg…”

Though sometimes off-putting – like, in my dad’s case, when habit becomes preference – a little ethnic guidance can usually help a meal become more enjoyable. Personally, when it comes to ethnic food and the whole trying-new-things game, authenticity is key. I say, try it the “right” way first. If you’re not sure what the right way is, don’t be afraid to ask. They’ll probably appreciate your interest – and you’ll seem like less of a gringo. After that, play around.

I figure, if you find that your own right way isn’t the authentic way, at least you can’t say it’s because you didn’t know better.