• the217
• Life
• Editor's Note

This week I decided to look for a real job. Not that buzz is “pretend,” but since my weeks at the magazine are numbered, I decided that looking for permanent employment would benefit me greatly in the coming months/years/lifetime.

I have only submitted my resume and cover letter to two employers, but one thing I’ve learned so far is that it’s tough out there. Just when you think you’ve worked hard enough in college and put in time at internships and extracurricular activities — WHAM! No job for you. The market is saturated and competition is tough, so here are some non-journalism jobs I have encountered that could get me over the “I just graduated” hump.

I’m looking for jobs all around the country, but New York City’s Craigslist job listings are by far the most entertaining. Even in times of hardship people are still willing to pay for just about anything.

The following listing was one of my favorites:

“Manager-Phone Girl Seeking Midtown Dungeon — BDSM (Midtown - Manhattan). Your duties would include answering phones to set up appointments and answer questions from prospective clients and managing the Mistresses on your shift. We have been in business in New York for over 15 years, with an excellent track-record. We do not allow our Mistresses to perform any illegal services.”

Creepy. I don’t think I have necessary experience or references for this job.

I have also learned that in hard times, there is also huge market for Jewish egg donors and surrogate mothers. Harvesting some of your eggs could bring in more than $8,000 if you’re over 18 and have been bat mitzvahed. Unfortunately, my family is United Methodist and I’m not an “egg sharer” or incubator.

In CU the Craigslist.com job postings are less abundant, but just as weird. I’m strongly considering replying to a posting for a magician’s assistant. Paid relocation costs, $37,000 salary, and a 401K — sign me up!

These days it seems like the only people getting jobs are freaks, human lab rats and people who are already employed. So in case all these promising opportunities don’t pan out, I guess I’ll have to keep searching for jobs in journalism. Darn.