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• Drinks around the week

A week ago I took my usual week of summer vacation. You know, that time where I don’t go anywhere and just try to do some things around the house. Nothing ever really gets done and this year was no exception. It was a little different because this year I didn’t even kid myself about any sort of productivity; I just chilled out. In fact, my biggest dilemma was deciding what days of the week to go out and have a few pops. That was a little difficult since each day of the week has it’s own little alcohol nuances that must be considered.

Let’s start with Sunday, even though that supposedly is when God finished. Sunday is a really awesome day to have a few drinks, but this is only while you’re having them. Since most people have their first day of work on Monday, Sunday really separates the men from the boys and the jackasses from the idiots. It feels like you’re really doing something wrong when you have Sabbath drinks, which is, of course, what makes it seem so fun. Still, you’re essentially saying, “Hey, I’ll be back to normal by Wednesday or Thursday. That’s totally worth three or four hours of fun.” My only advice is to start early and finish as soon as possible.

Monday is one of the few days where you really feel like you need a few drinks. You’ve left that weekend paradise and have now spent 8 hours in that Turkish prison that is your workplace. A couple of pops is often the only thing that can make getting through the next four days even seem possible. Monday is a happy hour day. You can begin staring at the clock around 2 in the afternoon and say, “Okay, this is miserable, but if you can just suck it up for three more hours, you can go have a beer and pretend this never happened.” This is fine, since I very seldom remember what happened on Monday anyway. Either way, try to finish up by 7 or 8 o’clock, because going to work on Tuesday is only slightly better than going to work on Monday.

Tuesday is usually pretty indifferent to me since it seems to have no drinking vibe at all. It’s not great, it’s not terrible; it's just there, a short little bridge to midweek. This is sort of nice because, like vodka, you can add whatever you like and make it taste like whatever you want. You can relax and sip on a few at home, or you can grab a quick after work nap and then rip the tits off of it. Tuesday is a bastard of a day that means nothing to anybody, so get creative and make it something special. Either that, or simply ignore it. It feels the same no matter what.

Many people consider Wednesday “hump day.” I am not one of those people. If your job sucks so much you feel the need to celebrate getting through three-fifths of the week, it’s probably time to find other employment. Drinking is supposed to be fun, not a recognition that you’ve managed to push the boulder to the top of the hill. Wednesday is a fine day to drink and do something else. Don’t go overboard and drink a bottle of whiskey while you run a half-marathon or anything like that. Just have a few beers and mow the yard, or sip a vodka and lemonade and read a book.

Thursday is my favorite day to go out. There’s something in your mind that says “Hey, I can do whatever I want tonight and still get through one more day of work.” This sort of attitude can often lead to crazy fun and exponential stupidity, which is just the sort of thing I enjoy. It’s the day where you can convince yourself of anything so long as there is some kind of ridiculous plan. “Okay, I can get home at 5 in the morning, sleep for an hour or so, vomit, go to work, come home at 5, have a soda, vomit again and then sleep until Saturday morning. Holy crap, it’s all falling into place. I’m so freaking smart sometimes.”

I find Friday a weird night to go out. This is probably because I enjoy going out so much on Thursday. I generally get out early and then get overly excited get home early. This is just fine because it really sucks to ruin a Saturday. Saturday is laid back and the options are unlimited. “Well, it’s 9 in the morning. I’ve checked my email and drank four cups of coffee. This seems like a perfectly good time to go have a few beers. I could even throw a quick nap in there and actually get drunk twice in the same day. Fantastic.”

When it comes to drinking, all days are special and all days are terrible, it just depends on what you make of them. The key really is to make sure you don’t find a way to make every day of the week special. This will lead you to becoming a really happy alcoholic. I like to pick a night during the week and a night during the weekend. Having a few cocktails twice a week can really keep you focused on everything else and also allow for rest and recuperation time. Remember it’s important to keep it fun, whether it seems like a good idea or not.