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Well, another Halloween has came and went and I have to say I’m just fine with that. I didn’t really dress up this year, unless you count wearing what I normally wear as dressing up. Basically, my costume was of a guy who’s had three too many beers and has a desire to stare at people in some sort of get up who’ve had nine too many beers. I couldn’t really come up with any ideas for a little outfit anyway. I briefly considered going as a homelessexual since that would allow me to offend several different groups at the same time, but in the end, I just played it straight. I have to be honest; I just really don’t understand Halloween all that much.
I’m not being a total crabass, and I think it’s fantastic that other people want to be creative and get dressed up, it just never strikes me as something I’d care to do. In downtown Champaign, I think I saw a few people who actually spent less time getting ready for Halloween than they normally do on a regular evening. Who knows, maybe some of the things I saw people wearing weren’t even costumes, which is either really great or sort of disturbing. “Oh, hey, that guy’s dressed like a pirate, cool. Oh, hey, isn’t that guy always sort of dressed like a pirate though?”
I did see a ton of costumes on Saturday night though and I have to admit, some of them were pretty cool, or at least pretty funny. There’s just something about a bearded fella with some huge latex boobs strapped on his chest that makes me laugh every time. It still seems weird though because when I was a little kid I don’t remember adults dressing up all that much. There were maybe a few people who did, but every one just assumed they were drunk or something. Actually, that was probably a pretty good assumption, but either way, it was mostly just something for the kids. That’s probably when my confusion about Halloween began.
The costume I remember wearing the most when I was little was a clown costume that my mom made. I really liked it at the time, but I was a kid and had no idea just how freaking creepy clowns really were. I’m still not clear whether my fear of clowns in later life was because of the costume or in spite of it. I’m sure if I ever go to therapy that will be at least a six month little riddle for my counselor to figure out. Other than the clown outfit, I just remember getting candy and being happy or getting an apple and being sort of pissed off. Overall, the whole dressing up process seemed like a little too much work just to get a couple of those tiny little Milk Duds boxes.
We didn’t have any trick or treaters this year. I can only assume this is because I pulled down all the drapes and shut off all the lights to give the impression no one was home. I guess I’m a party pooper for not giving out candy but to be honest, any sort of candy has a pretty short shelf life at our house to begin with so there would be a good chance most of it would be gone by the time the kids showed up anyway. I’m not sure there’s a whole lot else lying around that we could give them. “Wow, your costume’s really scary. Here’s piece of roast beef and a scoop of scalloped potatoes. Have a swell evening!”
Fortunately, we didn’t have anyone pull any tricks on us either. That’s the part about Halloween I don’t get anymore either, all the tricking. When I was in high school, we started soaping the teacher’s car windows and throwing toilet paper in their trees sometime in the middle of September and usually stopped right before Thanksgiving. We pretended it was for Halloween but it was primarily because we were simply a bunch of mean little bastards. “Oh, you’re gonna try to teach me Algebra, huh? I think I’ll teach you all about the vengeful wrath of a hyperactive fourteen year old.”
Now that I think about it, we really weren’t playing a fair game. We never asked for the treat first, but instead went right towards the tricking. That doesn’t seem right at all now. I’m sure the teachers would have given us twenty crates of Snickers bars not to strewn their trees with toilet paper, but for some reason, we never even considered that option.
Like I said, I just don’t really understand it, and I’m sort of glad it’s over. I think one month of nothing but scary movies on television is more than enough. Yeah, I get it, he’s a deranged killer and he’s chasing people and killing them in a variety of ways. It’s not all that scary to me. Now a movie like Clean and Sober where the guy has to stop drinking, that’s a scary assed movie in my book. It’ll be nice to see people dressed weird for no particular reason again. Who knows, maybe next year I’ll finally pony up and put on a costume. Even if I don’t get dressed up, I’ll still probably have a confused sort of look on my face, so I suppose that’s at least something.
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