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• Cogito Homo: When you're not ready...

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So I went home this weekend for...well, a day. And while I was awkwardly interacting (i.e. catching up) with my immediate family, the dreaded question came up.

"So, is there anything you want to tell me?" asks my mom.

I pause. "No," I state bluntly.

"Nothing at all?" says my mother.

Now before you stone me for not telling my mom that I'm queerer than a three dollar bill, you need to know the background. I told my mom that I was gay back when I was 12 years old. Like many parents, she denied my orientation and stated that it was probably a phase. I don't blame her. After all, I was only 12. Since then, we never talked about it again.

Here's the issue. How many times do I have to come out to the same person before I'm finally considered "out?" When people ask me if I'm out to my family, I have to tell them an even longer version of the aforementioned story just so I can feel that they understand that I am NOT ashamed of my sexuality in any way. I'm just tired of telling people. Would I have liked to remind my mom about me? Yes. Did I want to tell her that I was dating another sexy lady? Absolutely. But I think the whole "coming out" conversation amongst Queer people forgets that there are some family out there that just don't talk about that kind of thing. As a result, I'm not sure how "out" others would consider me to be.

I know the default response would be "it only matters what you think." While that's all nice and good, there's no denying the importance of being "out" in the gay community. I wish I had a dime every time I heard someone say that they could never date anyone who wasn't out. While I can understand where they're coming from, where does that leave people in my situation?