• the217
• Life
• Big screen failure

It's fairly easy to sit back and wish life was like the movies. This is because most Hollywood movies have a happy ending of some kind. In actuality, life being like a movie would be nothing but a pain in the ass.

Sure, it all depends on what kind of movie it is, but still. If life was like a movie, I might have to blow up several bridges and shoot countless renegade police on my way to work each day. Everyone would always make the best jokes no matter what the circumstances. Even a romantic relationship wouldn't be possible until both people had gone through a series of funny little incidents that brought them closer. It'd be more than we could handle. Like the Drive By Truckers say, "The secret to a happy ending is knowing when to roll the credits."

I suppose that's my point. We don't really want our lives to be like movies, except for that one specific part of the movie where the hero is happy as a clam. By the same token, I don't really think we want our movies to be like real life. For example, my life so far today would have consisted of me waking in the morning in a not particularly exciting or interesting manner, going to work in the same way, then coming home and screwing around until bedtime. The lone somewhat thrilling scene was when I nicked my face while shaving. There was some blood, but not nearly enough to satisfy a movie-going audience. No one would ever want to sit through that boring shit. Not even me.

This is why I didn't really understand a recent poll commissioned by the Anti-Defamation League that said a majority of Americans don't share Hollywood's moral values. Geez, thanks Captain Obvious. I'm sure the values of Hollywood are far different than the values most of us at least try to project. The problem is, Hollywood's values are vastly more interesting than the rest of America's values and that's what puts asses in the seats.

Sixty-one percent of those surveyed said that America's values are "under attack." I'm fairly sure "under attack" is the word the survey used rather than something those surveyed came up with on their own, but hey, they're their statistics and they should be able to make them sound however they want. Fifty-nine percent agreed that "the people who run network television and major movie studios do not share the religious and moral values of most Americans." Wow, it almost seems like they're putting words in people's mouths.

Whatever, they probably are. This particular group, the Anti-Defamation League, fights against anti-Semitism so they sort of have a vested interest in the rest of us staying religious or at least trying to keep us from seeing anything that doesn't reflect their particular view. I suppose that's all well and good, but if I were to be 100 percent honest, I really sort of suspend any kind of religious thought when I go to most movies. I also generally suspend any thought that has to do with reality. Let's all try to remember, it's supposed to be entertaining. If we didn't expect it to be that way, we'd just pull up a lawn chair and watch our neighbors for two hours every Friday evening.

It just always pisses me off when people have a little survey made up so they can bitch about something they don't agree with. It's really freaking simple. If you don't like something, stop going to it. Here's another fine idea. If you insist a large majority of the movies out there are offensive to you or your religion in some way then suck it up and start making your own damned movies. If the statistics are correct you should have no trouble at all winning the box office race every week.

That's the thing about this particular situation. The rest of America may agree with you out the ying yang about the evils of Hollywood, but that in no way means they want to shell out 10 dollars every weekend to see a crap-ass movie. They don't want a reflection of their own life. They want a reflection of something far more exciting.

It's been said a hundred times over, but money is a really fine way to show your beliefs. If over half the people don't agree with Hollywood then why are they still in the movie making business? Someone is going to see the damned things regardless of shared beliefs. That ridiculous vampire movie that came out made over seventy million dollars the first weekend. I'm sure most of the people who went don't really believe in vampires or in any value a vampire happens to have, let alone agree with the values of the people who made it. They simply wanted to be (dubiously) entertained.

The biggest problem is not that Hollywood doesn't share the rest of Americas' values. Of course they don't. They never have and never will. The biggest problem is that Hollywood already has a tendency to make a whole bunch of crap without other people making it worse. A big reason for this is because they're trying to satisfy every segment of society all at the same time. This may keep people like the Anti-Defamation League off their asses, but it does nothing for the art of film.