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Summer is here, which means that there are plenty of pools to swim in, a night of fireworks to attend and a gloriously dramatic twelfth season of CBS’s hit reality program Big Brother to watch. Summer doesn’t officially start for me until Big Brother hits network television, as I get completely and totally sucked in every year. The show follows a pretty straightforward format: Somewhere between 13 and 14 houseguests enter the Big Brother house (which is on a soundstage at CBS studios), and a wealth of microphones and cameras capture their every action and word. The houseguests compete in a weekly challenge to determine the Head of Household (HOH, aka the ruler of the house), and once the HOH is crowned they must put up two houseguests for eviction (aka to be sent home). There is then a competition called the Power of Veto, in which the HOH and the two eviction nominees (along with three other players, determined by random drawing) compete to win the elusive Golden Power of Veto. The winner of this competition may overthrow the HOH and save one of the two nominees for eviction, thus forcing the HOH to put up a new person to be evicted. Lastly, there is a live eviction where the houseguests (excluding the HOH and the two nominees for eviction) vote and evict one houseguest per week. The live eviction is then immediately followed by a live HOH competition, and then the whole process starts over for the following week. The live eviction and HOH competition occur on Thursday nights, the HOH nominates two houseguests for eviction on Sunday nights, and the Power of Veto competition is held on Wednesday nights. Thus, the show is on three nights a week. Three magical, drama-filled nights a week. Oh, and one more thing: every week the houseguests compete in food competitions where half of them are able to eat normal food for the week, and the others have to live off of “Big Brother Slop” which seems to be comparable to gruel. Phew! There are all the rules and format…maybe it wasn’t as straightforward as I had initially thought. Since I’ve taken up so much time explaining the rules, this week’s recap will be all about my reactions to this season’s houseguests.

Enzo – An obnoxious guido from New Jersey. His observations can sometimes be funny, but he’s a complete and total moron. He is a member of an alliance known as “The Brigade.” I want him gone.

Matt – A self-described “genius” from Elgin, IL, Matt is actually pretty likable. Also a member of “The Brigade,” he can sometimes get cocky, but if he plays his cards right he should go far.

Lane – Another member of “The Brigade.” Lane seems fine and all, but has received little airtime, so I have yet to form a solid opinion.

Hayden – The final member of “The Brigade,” Hayden is a college student who feels the need to yell whenever he is doing interviews in Big Brother’s Diary Room (which is similar to the confessional on The Real World). He seems like a waste of space and I wouldn’t mind seeing him leave soon.

Kathy – A deputy sheriff from Arkansas as well as the oldest houseguest (at the ancient age of 40), Kathy has played a relatively low-key game and remained on everyone’s good side thus far. I kinda like her.

Ragan – An openly gay college professor in Communication (yay! My field!), Ragan is one of the most likable contestants of the season. He is laying low and making friends with everyone. I hope that he goes far in the game, as he is one of my favorites.

Britney – A southern belle from Arkansas, Britney has a razor-sharp tongue and seems to hate the majority of her housemates. She is absolutely hilarious, and another one of my early favorites for the season.

Kristen – She has received around two minutes of airtime and seems like a ditz, so I have no opinion of her thus far. She is developing a relationship with Hayden, but that’s about all I know at this point.

Brendon – A swim coach and science-lover, Brendon appears to be an okay guy. His problem, and it’s a big one, is the current “showmance” that he has gotten into with Rachel (see below).

Rachel – A cocktail waitress from Vegas and grad student in chemistry, she is by far the most annoying houseguest of the season. She has huge boobs and bright red hair, as well as the most horrifying laugh I’ve ever heard. She needs to go. Now.

Andrew – An orthodox Jew and podiatrist from Miami, Andrew is one of the wackiest contestants of the season. He makes weird decisions, says all the wrong things and appears on the outs with everyone. He intrigues me, and I am curious to see what his fate becomes in the Big Brother house.

Monet (EVICTED – week 2) – Britney’s best friend and a model from Illinois, she was not as funny or as sharp as her cohort, and thus, I’m not too sad that she’s gone.

Annie (EVICTED – week 1) – The big twist for this season of Big Brother was that there was going to be a “saboteur” in the house. This person’s goal was to create as much chaos as possible, yet remain undetected. Annie was the saboteur, and she was voted out in week 1. Oops!

There you have it. Now you know who everyone is. Look forward to my recap next week, when I’ll get into more of the scheming and drama, as the show usually doesn’t really get going until week 3.