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• Bend over, boyfriend

Although nothing new, the phenomenon of pegging — a woman anally penetrating a man with a strap-on dildo — has gained attention recently. In the nineties, sex shop workers witnessed an increase of women coming in to buy strap-on gear to have anal sex with their male partners. Along with this, sexologist Carol Queen released a series of instructional videos titled “Bend Over Boyfriend” to help couples explore this act. Savage Love author Dan Savage decided that this act needed a name, and his readers decided upon “peg.” Whatever you call it, here are a few tips to help you say, “Bend over, boyfriend.”

Got You Pegged

In reality, pegging is simply anal sex. But because we assume that 1) anal sex is only for gay men and 2) men are “on top,” pegging is seen totally differently. For men and women, the butt, the anus, and the rectum are all erogenous areas of the body. For men, the prostate gland (two to three inches inside the body between the base of the penis and the anus) is also extremely sensitive. Because men may not learn this about their bodies, however, many men may be shocked during their first prostate exam when they get an erection. However, the fact is that stimulating these areas of our bodies can create sexual arousal and even orgasm.

Should straight couples worry if the male is interested in being anally stimulated or penetrated? Not at all; interest in anal penetration, whether you’re the receptive male or the penetrating female, doesn’t mean you’re “gay” or “lesbian.” People of all sexual orientations and genders enjoy anal play — although we’re focusing females penetrating males for this column.

Despite (or maybe because of) the stigma attached to anal sex, pegging can be a fun, new experience for partners who are interested. Some couples enjoy the taboo of women penetrating their male partner, and some women may like the experience of having their own phallus. She may enjoy the sensation of masturbating her dildo or even watching her male partner give her fellatio. Although some couples may roleplay around pegging, for other couples, pegging may be a very routine and regular aspect of their sex lives.

Let’s Talk About Peg, Baby

Like all sex, the most important aspect of good, hot pegging is open communication. Talk with each other about your expectations and boundaries. Let your partner know what you’d like to experience, and let them share their interests, too. And when anal sex actually begins, continuing talking! What feels good? What would feel better? Is there enough lube? Should you slow down or speed up? Remember, (regardless of mainstream porn’s hard and fast approach) that the person being penetrated (especially initially) should control the depth and speed of thrusting.

Know Yourself

For some men, anal stimulation may be new, so you may not be able to give your partner much guidance during pegging. By yourself, explore your butt, anus, and rectum to find out what you like and what feels good. Try stimulation with your fingers, butt plug or dildo. Because the anus is surrounded by muscles, you may want to work up to full penetration, using your fingers or smaller dildos to help you get comfortable. (Remember, do not insert any object not intended for anal play; if it does not have a flared base, it can get stuck!)

Lube It Up

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: anal sex requires lots of lube. Find a thick, water-based or silicone lube that works best for you. Read the bottle, as some anal lubes advertise desensitizing ingredients — meant to make a penetrating male last longer or to numb a receptive partner for “harder” penetration. We don’t recommend these ...

Because there is no risk for pregnancy and little risk for STDs with pegging, couples may forego condom use. However, if you are unsure of your partner’s status, do not insert a dildo into the vagina and then into a partners rectum. This can transmit STDs. And likewise, do not insert a dildo that has been in a rectum into any other body part without fully cleaning it or changing a condom.

Getting It (Strapped) On

Perhaps the most important aspect of pegging is finding the gear that is right for you and your partner. Strap-on sex requires a dildo or phallus with a flared base, and a harness, a device with a ring that holds the dildo firmly in place. Harnesses can range from bicycle shorts to g-string underwear to thigh or waist straps (which leave room for digital stimulation of the wearer). Dildos themselves can come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and materials.

Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself, too. The base of the dildo may provide some clitoral stimulation during sex play. Additionally, some dildos/harnesses may come with vibrating parts or can be used with vibrating cock rings, which may provide additional stimulation to both the wearer and their partner. Additionally, there are double-headed dildos which penetrate the wearer and their partner simultaneously. If you want this sensation, but need different sizes/shapes, some harnesses allow the wearer to pack two dildos simultaneously (one inside, one outside).

Harnesses and dildos are available at most sex shops and online. Shop around, read some customer reviews, try it out, and find what is best for you.

Check us out next week as we discuss what it means to be sexually healthy.