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Dear Ross and Jo,

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. April 11th will be the two-year anniversary of the day three Duke lacrosse players [were declared] innocent of a much-publicized rape hoax. How can we educate ourselves better to prevent it? As a regular reader of your column, I would be very interested in hearing your dialogues and research on the subject.

—Mr. T

Thank you for sending us a great idea for a column. The Duke case provided a lot of interesting lessons. Because we’re not legal experts, we would like to focus on the issues you raise about false accusations of sexual assault.

The ways that the characters in the Duke case were described by media and defense attorneys was fascinating to watch. The alleged victim was continually described simply as a stripper or as the “accuser.” The young men on the other hand, were seen in three 60 Minutes interviews together or with their families. It was clear ­— these boys were “our boys” in the public eye, while the alleged victim was not.

Buy the Lie

In workshops Ross has facilitated, groups will estimate that 20-30 percent of all allegations of sexual assault (rape) are false. Recent research suggests that actual false reports are likely quite low, between 2-8%.

Why do people think that so many rapes are “false?” Lots of reasons. First, we don’t want to believe it could happen. This disbelief helps us keep our faith in a good and just society; we jump to the conclusion it couldn’t (or didn’t) happen. Especially when we know the accused, we may feel like he couldn’t be capable of that. In our society, sex(ism), race(ism) and class(ism) also shape public perception, allowing us to feel like a group of white affluent men who hired and (at best) sexually harassed two strippers are more like us than the black woman working as a stripper.

“Real” Rape

Susan Estrich has suggested that only certain rapes become “real rapes,” meaning that most assaults aren’t taken seriously for a slew of reasons: they had consensual sex before, s/he was drunk, they had been dating, the alleged perpetrator is a “good guy,” etc. Additionally, when a case is dropped, this doesn’t mean it was “false” (a lie) so much as “unsubstantiated” (not enough evidence). We have to remember that the legal system is different from an individual’s experiences. Simply because something cannot be legally proved does not mean it didn’t happen.

Judith Herman, a researcher in trauma, says that “all the perpetrator asks is that we do nothing,” while the victim asks that we believe and acknowledge the pain experienced. When a sexual assault happens, we may not wish to believe — but that may have nothing to do with the specifics of the situation and more to do with our wish that it hadn’t happened.

The reality is — same as with the Duke case — we weren’t in the room. We do not know what happened. Even when a victim recants a story, this may mean more about the lack of support she has in her community than it does about the validity of her accusation.

True Lies

Although we fear women flinging accusations at men, there’s a much bigger issue of false reporting. Research shows that only 30% of those who have been raped actually name the experience “rape”—probably for many reasons. If there is a stereotype that “real rapes” are perpetrated by strangers lurking in the bushes, then an acquaintance that doesn’t stop when you say no may not look like “rape.” Additionally, if a survivor initially names an experience rape but faces disbelief from even friends and family, she may later decide to recant.

This also means that we can have instances where one person names the experience “rape,” but the other doesn’t. Often, this leads us to presume that it wasn’t rape. Could someone commit rape, but not feel like he has committed rape? Definitely. A key element of rape is that there wasn’t consent. One person cannot have consent if their partner doesn’t also consent — it’s a dynamic, a two-way street. In fact, research on men who have technically perpetrated rape shows that only 15% of them call it rape. Rather than dismissing allegations out of hand, we have to take every story seriously.

Bring Protection

This doesn’t mean that we (especially men) don’t have a very real fear of being falsely accused of sexual assault. It seems everyone has some story about someone who was falsely accused of rape. It would be awful to be accused of something that didn’t happen. When we hear more about the “false” reports than we do about actual assaults, suddenly false reports lurk around every corner.

So how can we protect ourselves from being falsely accused? The number one way is to make sure that you have explicit consent from your partner(s), every time. The reality is that false reports (as with any crime) — when they are actually false — is a rarity, and we can’t prevent those.

Getting consent, paying attention to the ways consent (and non-consent) is communicated, and talking openly with your partners gives you the reassurance that your partner wants to be with you, and the opportunity to have the sex you both want.

Join us next week as we look forward to Artists Against AIDS.