It was sort of tough to think of a column idea this week. My initial thought was to write about what seems to be a bit of an over-reaction to the swine flu problem. After further consideration, I had to assume that as soon as I was a smartass about the whole damned thing everyone would get the flu and I would look like a dumbass. It also seems like a good time to let the floundering economy take a rest. It’s still too early to talk about baseball teams, even my beloved Cardinals. I was sort of compelled to write about a likeness of the Virgin Mary that appeared in griddle at a restaurant in California, but even that didn’t seem like all that much fun. The only thing that really excites me much is all the things I look forward to this summer, so we’re going with that ... whether you like it or not.

Last summer was really busy for me and it really seemed like it was over before I knew it. When you couple that with the steaming piece of crap winter we had, it feels like I haven’t had a ton of relaxation for some time. Around Champaign-Urbana, summers just seem a little different than everywhere else. Many of us still work, but it tends to be a tad more stately than usual. So, since I’m all giddy, here are the two things I’m looking forward to this summer.

The first thing on the list is the first sunburn of the summer. I know this one seems a little strange and probably not particularly healthy, but I still get a creepy little kick out of it. I actually thought I’d gotten it out of the way a few weeks ago but it was only that 24-hour east central Illinois windburn, so I’m still in the anticipation mode. I know sunburns hurt and all that, but still, it’s a sort of dull pain that’s not all that bad so long as you aren’t moving. Since this is generally the case for me in the summer, I like them just fine. I know the sunburn could come back to haunt me years down the road, but either way, sometimes a fella just needs a little color to break up all that pale.

The other, far more fun thing to anticipate is the first accidental day of summer drinking. This is actually the best part of summer and it’s amazing because it’s not as easy as it sounds. It usually happens to me on a Sunday, for some reason, though it’s in no way limited to that day. The key word to the whole thing is “accidental.” Sure, it’s nice to pour a bunch of ice over a big tub of beer in the morning and then do a little work and then sit in a lawn chair and pop open a cold one, but even though it’s a little slice of heaven, it’s pretty methodical and it just doesn’t seem quite as summery if it’s planned in any way.

The real key is that it has to be a surprise. One year, I was working around the house and a buddy saw me and pulled in the driveway. As is often the case, we exchanged pleasantries and were soon having a beer. I generally tend to offer alcohol right after saying “Hello” because it’s an old Coulter tradition to try and get anyone and everyone led down the path of pissing away a whole day. Anyway, we drank the first beer in the standing position, leaned on the car for the second beer, were fully seated by the third beer, and calling other people to come join by the forth beer.

I should point out that the only reason we called more people to come over was because we ourselves were out of beer and figured we could encourage them to stop and pick up more on their way over. I should also point out that it’s important to call these other guests before you get too far along in the process. If you wait until seven or eight beers no sensible person will care to join your group so late in the endeavor. This is partly because people hate trying to catch up and mostly because you will likely be the simplest dumbass in the world by the time they actually arrive.

As I recall, we made about seven phone calls and two people out of the seven were ignorant enough to also think this was a fine idea. They showed up with more beer, but not nearly enough, which meant we had to call some other people later. They came over only because they were afraid they were going to miss something fun if they didn’t. It turns out they were right. Before you know it, there was a lovely little accidental party going on. We still talk about it every so often.

I’m positive there are many more important things to enjoy in the summer other than a sunburn and a day of accidental drinking, but to me they just define what summer should be. No one in his or her right mind would plan on getting sun poisoning or stopping a productive day of work just for a little dick around time, but in the summertime, it seems to make perfect sense. In the long run, neither of them ends up being very important and that’s exactly what makes them kind of special.