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• Avoid these adjectives: the verbal out list

If you spend any time watching the news, or even television in general, maybe you’ve noticed some of the same things I have. It all sort of eventually begins to sound the same. I suppose it’s just lack of originality, but once some little catch phrase catches on, people say it until it first becomes annoying beyond belief and eventually begins to have no meaning at all. My favorite example of this is putting the word “gate” after any sort of scandal. Fine, we had the Watergate crisis in the ’70s, but for some reason it’s considered creative to still reference back to it. Since then we’ve had Troopergate, Travelgate, Spygate, Monicagate, and Whitewatergate, to name just a few. It’s to the point where some people shouldn’t even be allowed to use words anymore.

Actually, Lake Superior State University came up with a solution that’s sort of close. Every year they put out a list of words that they feel should be banished from the English language. Personally, I’d much rather banish the people who use the words, but that’s probably far more complicated. It probably wouldn’t work out very well either since I’ve personally been responsible for using a few of the items on the list this year. Let’s have a look at some of the words from this year’s list.

“Green” or “going green” starts off the parade of idiocy. I have to admit I grew tired of that shit pretty early on, too. It’s fantastic if you want to try and change, maybe even save, the planet, but could we all just do it and shut up about it already. Green has become nothing but a way to market caring to people who can’t wait to buy some caring of their own. Green is for suckers. Everybody says they’re “green” but I’m afraid the quality control on that statement is about the same as on the “World’s Greatest Lover” t-shirts. It’s nothing but a word that’s become a marketing tool.

Staying on the same sort of path, Lake Superior State has also grown tired the phrase “Carbon Footprint.” I suppose I could add something to the above paragraph, but just read it again and replace “green” with “carbon footprint” if you don’t mind. It will save me a little bit of effort and maybe even make my column a little more ... dare I say it, green.

“Maverick,” of course, is also on the list. I guess we’re supposed to like mavericks and I guess it sounds quite a bit cooler than follower. Still, it’s like I was saying before, it basically lost all of it’s meaning after a certain period of time. Truth be told, it originally meant an unbranded cow and the name came from Samuel Maverick, a fella who didn’t brand his cattle. Now it apparently just means a guy who lost the election. In the same vein, “First Dude” made the list. I could make a joke there, but I fear it might seem redundant.

“Icon” or “iconic” is also on there and rightfully so. Every freaking entertainer who does freaking anything is now considered an icon. Those entertainment shows throw that word out like it was nothing, to the point where it might even become synonymous with the word crapass. Here’s a simple way to look at it. Jesus, Frank Sinatra, and Elvis Presley could probably be considered “iconic.” Madonna, Carrot Top, and Clay Aiken really probably aren’t ... unless you actually do mean crapass ... then they probably are.

“Bailout” also got some votes. Try turning on the TV and not hearing that one over and over again. It’s probably not a testament to my good character, but I believe the word “bailout” should only be used when you’re getting someone out of the pokey by paying their bail. Now banks want bailouts; the auto industry does, too. Hell, the porn industry even wants a “bailout.” Here’s an idea: next time instead of saying bailout, just say people need more money because they really pissed away the money they used to have. It’ll make it easier for all of us.

My favorite one on the list was “staycation.” That is, or course, taking time off from work, like a vacation, except you don’t go anywhere. I’ll admit that it’s an annoying little word, but I also like where it could lead. If you decided to take off work and have a same-sex relationship, it could be called a “gaycation.” Horses that wanted to binge eat for seven days could have a “haycation.” If you took time off from the office to moisturize, you’d be taking an “Oil of Olaycation.” I could go on with this line of jokes for the rest of the column, but I’m pretty sure you get the idea already. Okay, just one more. If you went to a monastery, you could have a “praycation.” I’ll be honest; I’m having a really hard time stopping.

When you get right down to it, it’s not necessarily the words themselves. I’m sure they were all sort of creative in the beginning. They were also probably a useful and colorful way of explaining something in a different way. Somewhere along the line though, a bunch of idea-starved people got ahold of them and ran them into the ground. If this trend keeps up at this pace, we may actually run out of words to use somewhere down the line. Sadly, we might actually be better off for it.