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• An abbreviated clmn: navigating online sex talk

Recently a friend of ours suggested that we write about abbreviations used in personal ads. Not surprisingly, there are a number of different codes used in online ads, some for soliciting sexual activity while others are used simply as descriptors. Of course, like us, most people can look these up online to determine their meaning, but "Doin' It Well" thought we'd help our readers out by providing a cheat sheet for quick reference.

The Lingo

Sometimes abbreviations are ignored, especially if someone doesn't know what they mean. If you're in a chat room, and someone types "c2c," you might google "c2c" online and think the person might be talking about rail train service to London, or asking if you "care to chat." If, however, they are looking for cam to cam action or cock to cock play, you might be caught off guard.

In addition, there is pressure around being in the know with current lingo around sex. So while most people know what a bj is (it's OK if you don't), 8C or bbw might be a little more elusive. And, depending on the context (sex chat room versus non-sexual chat), some acronyms might have different meanings. It can be difficult to stop and look something up if you are in the moment. In the future, maybe "Doin' It Well" should market a sex-chat mouse pad. In the meantime, feel free to post this list next to your computer!

Chat Away!

Here are some codes that are used pretty consistently on dating sites and personal ads.

123: have sex anally, vaginally and orally
420: smoke marijuana and have sex
athl: athletic
bb: bareback (sex, usually anal, without a condom)
bbw-: big, beautiful woman
bf: boyfriend
bj: blow job
bttm: bottom
c: cock (ex. 8C= 8 inch penis)
c2c: cam to cam or cock to cock
Crystal: crystal meth
d/d or ddf: drug and disease free
discrete: sex that is kept secret, no strings attached
dl: down low, similar to discrete
dwm: dominant white male
ff: fuck friends
gf: girlfriend
gl: good looking
head: oral sex
hj: hand job
hwp-: height and weight proportionate
iso: in search of
j/o: jack off, masturbate together
l4: looking for
lkn: looking
ltr: long term relationship
m4m or, m2m: male for male, male to male
mbm: married black male
mwm: married white male
neg: HIV negative
NSA: no strings attached
pnp: party & play, sex with drugs, usually crystal meth
poz: HIV positive
r/t: real time, sex now, offline
smth: smooth or hairless
sub: submissive
vers: versatile (top or bottom for anal sex)
vgl: very good looking
ws: watersports (still confused? Read our Going for Gold column!)

For what it's worth, we found that men seem to use more acronyms than women, especially on the men seeking men pages in personal ads. However, in online adult dating sites or sex chat rooms, acronyms are used by both males and females.

Let's Chat

If entering a sex chat room, it's helpful to not just know the abbreviated lingo, but to understand chat room etiquette. Usually, chat rooms will have an FAQ page to inform you of the rules before you enter.

If you're new to sex chats, take some time beforehand to consider what you might like to say. Start by greeting folks when you enter the room. It is polite to take a few minutes to see what the conversation is about before jumping in. You probably won't be received well if they are talking about a TV show and you ask who'd like an online sexual encounter. On the other hand, don't lurk. If you enter a chat room, chat. Voyeurs (or lurkers) are sometimes viewed as creepy.

Really Talking

While being familiar with popular abbreviations used online may be helpful in navigating dating sites, don't be afraid to ask for clarification if you aren't sure of something. Language constantly changes and it can be difficult to stay on top of it. If you are chatting with someone online and you are not sure what they have in mind, get clarification. Later you'll probably joke about what you thought they meant!

ISO

There are sites designed exclusively for dating, both casually and long term. And there are sites designed specifically for sex both online or in r/t (real time). Some sites have a mix of people with various motivations. If you don't find what you're looking for, keep searching!

Check us out next week as we talk about tribadism.