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Hi,

(Quite) a while back you (or rather, your predecessors) had a column on Sex Addiction. Unfortunately, it was run in the summer, so most of the readers that might benefit from such an article were likely not around. Therefore, I would like to encourage you to rerun/update it, as a service for those suffering from this affliction. — PF

Thanks for writing in! It has been a few years since “Doin’ It Well” has printed anything on sex addiction, so we appreciate the opportunity to revisit this topic.

C’mon, Really?

It has taken awhile for sex addiction to be viewed with legitimacy. Even today, we often hear the term used flippantly as a way to tease someone about their sexual desire, behaviors, or high sex drive. We might chuckle at the irony of Californication star David Duchovny entering treatment. Sometimes, the shame of sex addiction is used as a way to scare people into behaving a certain way sexually (i.e., “sex outside of marriage could lead to a dangerous sexual addiction”). Even professionals in the helping field have debated the topic of sexual addiction.

The Serious Side

What is known, especially by those who struggle with it, is that some people do experience persistent and compulsive sexual “acting out” and distress about those behaviors. Sex addiction can be defined as a pattern of behavior focused on sexual expression used to cope with the stresses of life. According to Sex Addicts Anonymous “[T]he essence of all addiction is the addicts’ experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing.” These behaviors continue despite negative consequences. A key feature of sex addiction is a feeling of powerlessness and what distinguishes it from healthier sexual behavior is that a person feels out of control. They may have tried to stop or change their behaviors but couldn’t.

Sex addiction can take many forms, not just sex with partner(s). A person might have numerous sexual encounters, maybe with different partners. Or a person might obsessively and/or compulsively view pornography or spending most of their time finding, downloading or exchanging sexual images or materials. Or it might include cyber sex with others. Just like other addicts, the sex addict uses sex in an attempt to alter their mood, to numb feelings or escape pain. These motivations may not be conscious to them and often, those addicted to sexual behaviors are unaware of either their problem or that sex addiction actually exists.

I love sex, am I addicted?

No single behavior indicates a sexual addiction, and just because someone feels like they have a high sex drive does not alone designate a problem. There are many lists and assessment tools online to help people determine if they may have a problematic relationship with sex. Remember that it can be best to speak with a professional, particularly a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) to explore any concerns you might have. Just because someone exhibits a behavior or characteristic does not mean they are addicted to sex.

Common features of sex addiction include: spending a lot of your time, energy, and sometimes money planning experiencing and recovering (emotionally or physically) from sexual experiences; feeling like sex has overtaken your life to the extent that thoughts about it or experiences with it interfere with work, social or family obligations; taking higher risks than you normally would or that go against your values; and continuing to engage in behaviors even after experiencing consequences such as debt, loss of relationships, loss of job or STDs.

Finding Support

Because of the shame and isolation those suffering with addictive or compulsive sexual behavior can feel, seeking support can have a tremendous positive impact. Thanks again to PF who provided us with the following local information:

We would like to bring to your attention two Champaign support groups: Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). These groups seek to help people stop compulsive emotional and sexual behavior, and are based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, although there is no organizational affiliation with AA. There are no dues or fees for membership; the only requirement is a desire to stop compulsive behavior. Also, the anonymity of all members is protected with special care. There are currently three one-hour meetings per week in Champaign (noon and evening). Further information can be obtained by visiting our website (http://www.champaign-saa.org), emailing us at saainfo@champaign-saa.org, or leaving a message at (800) 557-9052.

Get scared next week with the horrors of teen sexuality!